There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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