I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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