So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
