I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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