Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Is Oprah even human
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
