Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
