Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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