Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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