I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
