Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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