Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
