Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
