it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We left the knife in your bed.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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