He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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