I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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