Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
where does the pee come out of this thing
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
