So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
