I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
