I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
