garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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