I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
