Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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