so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
