he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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