my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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