He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My day in three words: secret purse cake
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
