Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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