To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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