okay pat passed out under dana's car
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
