If i come over, it means nothing
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
