Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
