Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
