I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
