um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
