bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
