Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
