don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Two words: blizzard sex
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
