At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
