Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my phone needs a breathalizer
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
