I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Of course I have a pirate flag
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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