haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
