i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
