Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
