she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I skipped work to stalk him.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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