dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
