Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
