I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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