No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
