alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
