We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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