the day after is always just damage control
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
