did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
