if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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