what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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