Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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