Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
