i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
