you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
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