At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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