Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
my poor anus
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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