Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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