his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
