kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
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Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
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Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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