I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
